The way we speak to ourselves matters and so often we have sneaky, seemingly inconsequential thoughts that actually have more of an impact on how we feel and what we do than we even recognize. Today, I will share 3 words that you should be on the lookout for, so that you can challenge and change them if needed.
What I cover in this episode:
Why the word "always" can result in you creating a limiting belief about yourself and/or create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why the word "never" disempowers you and prevents you from doing things that you are likely 100% capable of.
How you beat yourself up using the word "should" and how to create statements that embrace more self-compassion.
Let’s take some action:
When you notice yourself talking to yourself or someone else and using "always", "never" or "should", pause and challenge your statement. Is it 100% true, and if not, restate it in a way that is more accurate.
If you notice you have frequently used "always", "never" or "should" statements, take some time and write down a few alternative statements for each, that feel better and are more empowering, and review them often. This will help you change the overall narrative that plays out in your mind.
It may sound simple, but it can have a big impact on how you view yourself, which will impact how you feel and the actions you take.
Final action:
Be sure to subscribe so you know when new episodes are released and share it with anyone else who you think will find it helpful.
Useful Resources:
Do you worry too much, overthink, assume the worst-case scenarios, spend a lot of time focusing on negative things that have happened, or discredit positive things happening? If so, you are dealing with the human brain we have all been given and you are not alone.
The good news is, you can change this and it may not take as long as you may think! If you want a free resource that will help you examine your thinking patterns, and change those that are not serving you, grab my 5 Common Thought Distortions Guide HERE.
Welcome to the Women's Success Coach Podcast. A podcast created to inspire growth and to help you learn, achieve, and evolve in your life ongoing regardless of your age. I'm your host, certified coach, and licensed therapist Karen Vincent, and I'm here to guide you and provide you with concrete tips and strategies you can implement in your life. I'm also here to inspire you, challenge you, and cheer you on so that you can create the life of your dreams and beyond. In today's podcast episode, we're talking about three words you may use when speaking about yourself that you should be aware of. The way we speak to ourselves matters, and so often we have sneaky, seemingly inconsequential thoughts that actually have more of an impact on how we feel and what we do than we even recognize. Today, I will share three words that you should be on the lookout for so that you can challenge and change them if needed. Well, hello there. I hope you're well today. Today's episode is short and sweet, but as with all my episodes, there will be action items at the end you won't want to miss. Today I'm talking about the self-talk we all do all day, every single day. There's so much chatter going on in our brains that we don't even notice most of it. However, just because we don't notice it does not mean that it's not impacting us. There are also things we say out loud to others in a nonchalant manner that can have more of an impact on how we feel about ourselves than we recognize While changing thinking patterns, how we speak to ourselves and creating an empowering mindset is a process that you can work on over time, there are three words that you should be on the lookout for so that you can challenge them and change them if necessary. These three words are ALWAYS, NEVER, and SHOULD. At face value, they don't seem to be a big deal, but they may have a negative impact that you don't even see. So let's start with"always". In my work, I hear people say things like, I always mess up relationships. I always get passed up for promotions. I always overeat around the Holidays. I always spend too much money. Or, I always stay up too late. None of those statements sound horrible. However, when you use the word"always", you are saying that 100% of the time, no matter what, you do that thing you are talking about. So with the first statement of,"I always mess up relationships.", that means that 100% of the time, you are 100% responsible for messing up every single relationship in your life. Now if I was a betting girl, I would bet that's not 100% accurate. However, when you say it, you're telling your brain that this is who you are, so this is what you'll be doing moving forward. Even if your relationship track record is not what you would want it to be, saying something like,"I want to show up as a better version of myself and my relationships, so I'm going to work on this ongoing.", feels a lot more empowering than resigning to the fact that you have always, and you will always mess up relationships. Next up is the word"never", which can be just as dangerous. I hear people say statements like"Things never work out for me"."I never make good decisions"."I'll never be able to afford X, Y, or Z"."I'll never find true love"."I will never be able to get up on time"."I will never have enough time to exercise". And just like the word"always", you're telling yourself that regardless of the circumstances, your effort, your attitude or anything else going on, something will never happen for you. It's saying that you have no control at all over the thing you were saying you never do. So with the first statement,"Things will never work out for me", you are telling yourself that you have no control over the results you get in your life and whether you put in 100% effort into something or 0% effort into something, it won't work out. And again, if I was a betting girl, I would bet that this is not 100% accurate. However, when you say it, you are telling your brain that this is just the way it is and therefore it's not worth trying to change it. So instead of saying"Things never work out for me", a better statement would be,"I have some challenges, but I'm going to make sure I give this 100% so that things start to work out better for me". This statement is much more empowering than the initial statement of"Things never work out for me". So now let's look at the final of the three words, and that word is,"should". When we have should statements, these are statements like,"I should spend more time with my kids"."I should eat healthier"."I should have gotten my work done sooner"."I should have gotten up earlier"."I should have saved more money"."I should have done more in my relationship", or"I should exercise more". This list could go on for days, and I'm sure you can think of a should statement you've used. When you recognize yourself using should statements, I want you to pause and paraphrase what you were saying, because should is a warning sign that you are beating yourself up and you were criticizing yourself about something. Even if you did something that you wish you did do differently, when you use a should statement, you're doing nothing more than beating yourself. up. So instead of saying,"I should spend more time with my kids", a better statement could be,"Even though my schedule is busy, my kids need me and I will figure out how to spend more time with them next week". I hope you can see the difference. Instead of just telling yourself that you're not doing something good enough, you are having some self-compassion and acknowledging that you can do something different next week. So now comes time for a little action plan. As with all my episodes, I want you to take action with this information if you find it valuable. So after listening to this episode, you will have an increased awareness of these three words, and when you notice yourself talking to yourself, or to someone else, and using the words,"always","never" or"should", I want you to pause and challenge if your statement is 100% true. It probably isn't, as we talked about, so if not, I want you to restate it in a way that's more accurate. If you notice you frequently use"always","never", and"should" statements, take some time and write down a few alternative statements for each and review them often. This will help you change the overall narrative that plays in your mind, so that your new statements are the statements that just kind of automatically come out, instead of your old statements that can hold you back, can cause you to beat yourself up, can cause you to subtly not feel so good about yourself. It may sound simple, but doing this can have a big impact on how you view yourself, which will impact how you feel, the actions you take, and ultimately the results you get in your life. And one more thing my friend. if you like reading and want some more tips and strategies that will help you with things like managing your mindset, stress, anxiety, and worry setting and achieving goals, managing limiting beliefs, creating healthy success habit, challenging yourself beyond what you thought is currently possible and lots of other topics related to creating a life of success, ongoing growth and fulfillment, go to www.karenvincentsolutions.com/blog and check out my blog. Again, www.karenvincentsolutions.com/blog. That's a wrap. You should be proud of yourself for investing time in you, which is so critical for success and for overall life fulfillment. I look forward to having you join me for my next episode. And in the meantime, go click that subscribe button so you'll know when it's released, and you can also follow me on Instagram at Best Boss Lady Life that's at Best Boss Lady Life on Instagram. Also, remember that whatever it is that you're working on, you've got this and I'm here cheering you on.