In today’s shorty episode I am talking about "Mind Reading" which is a common thought distortion most of us experience, at least from time to time. Mind Reading occurs when you jump to conclusions about what someone else is thinking and assume that they are thinking something negative about you, without having any real evidence to support your conclusion. Mind Reading can become problematic when it happens ongoing and you don’t recognize that it is happening, and therefore don’t challenge the thoughts you are having that are likely not true. In this episode of the Women's Success Coach Podcast, I am sharing with you why mind reading happens and what you can do to change it, or make sure it does not happen ongoing.
What is Mind Reading and examples of Mind Reading.
5 steps you can go through to challenge faulty thinking that is the result of Mind Reading.
Let's Take Some Action:
Grab the guide that walks you through each of these steps HERE.
5 steps to challenge and change mind reading thinking:
#1: Write out examples of when you assumed someone was thinking negatively about you. Who are they? What was the situation? What did you assume they were thinking?
#2: For each instance, on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being none and 10 being enough to stand up in a court of law, how much evidence do you have to know that this thought is true? Write a number next to each instance you identified above.
#3: How does assuming that someone is thinking negatively about you benefit you?
#4: How does assuming that someone is thinking negatively about you make you feel? Is feeling this feeling, without really knowing what they are thinking useful?
#5: When you don't have concrete evidence that someone thinks negatively about you, how else can you choose to think about the situation that would result in better feelings?
Useful Resources:
Do you worry too much, overthink, assume the worst-case scenarios, spend a lot of time focusing on negative things that have happened, or discredit positive things happening? If so, you are dealing with the human brain we have all been given and you are not alone.
The good news is, you can change this and it may not take as long as you may think! If you want a free resource that will help you examine your thinking patterns, and change those that are not serving you, grab my 5 Common Thought Distortions Guide HERE.
Welcome to the Women's Success Coach Podcast. A podcast created to inspire growth and to help you learn, achieve, and evolve in your life ongoing regardless of your age. I'm your host, certified coach, and licensed therapist Karen Vincent, and I'm here to guide you and provide you with concrete tips and strategies you can implement in your life. I'm also here to inspire you, challenge you, and cheer you on so that you can create the life of your dreams and beyond. In today's shorty podcast episode, I'm talking about mindreading, which is a common thought distortion most of us experience, at least from time to time. Mindreading occurs when you jump to conclusions about what someone else is thinking and assume that they're thinking something negative about you without having any real evidence to support your conclusion. Have you ever done that? Imagine someone doesn't say hello to you, and so you assume they're upset with you. Or maybe someone glances your way and you assume that they're judging the way that you look. If I was a betting girl, I would guess that you've done some version of this at some point, because unfortunately, it's human nature to do so. However, it can become problematic when it happens ongoing, and you don't recognize that it's happening and therefore you don't challenge the thoughts that you're having that are likely not even true. In this episode, I'm sharing with you why this happens and what you can do to change it or to make sure it doesn't happen ongoing and become an ongoing thought distortion for you, if it's not already. So let's get to it and let's get talking all things mind reading. Well, hello my friend. Since this is a Shorty episode, I'm going to jump right into today's topic of mind reading. But before I get specific to mind reading, which is what is called a thought distortion, I want to make sure that I explained to you what thought distortions are, in case this term's new to you. So thought distortions or cognitive distortions as they are sometimes called, are faulty or inaccurate perceptions or beliefs. We all have some thought distortions, however, when they start to happen more than just occasionally, they can interfere with your daily living, your relationships, your career, and how you act and feel on a daily basis. In short, they can interfere with the results that you get in your life. It's why they're also sometimes referred to as"stinking thinking". So let's bring it back to mind reading, which occurs when you jump to conclusions about what someone else is thinking, and you assume that they're thinking something negative about you without having any real evidence to support your conclusions. This could happen in any area of your life, so I'm going to give you a couple of examples. Let's say your boss reaches out and schedules a meeting with you, and you automatically jump to the conclusion that something is wrong or that you're in trouble, without there being any actual evidence to support that conclusion. The problem with this is that you may spend a few days worrying, playing out all the worst case scenarios in your mind, and trying to figure out what you did wrong. That would feel pretty terrible for a few days, right? And all of that would happen because you jumped to a conclusion without any facts or evidence to support that conclusion. What if the reality is your boss wants to talk to you, to ask you to join a new committee, or maybe just to check in and see how things are going, or maybe they want to see if you have any feedback for them as part of their self-evaluation process? If any of these scenarios played out, you would've been unnecessarily worried, anxious, or fearful for days because you were mind reading without any actual evidence that your thoughts were accurate. Let me give you one more example. Let's say you've been dating someone for a few months and since the beginning you've kind of wondered if they thought they were maybe a little bit too good for you. Despite the fact that they've been spending time with you regularly, you continue to make assumptions that they're looking for someone"better". First off, that would be pretty terrible right? Now imagine that you continue to have these worries and you start to question their commitment all the time, and they continually assure you that they like you and that they are not looking for anybody else. But imagine that your mind reading is spiraling out of control and you now start checking up on them. Maybe you've checked their phone and you continue to question their commitment to you. Again, you would be feeling terrible, but at this point, they may be starting to feel pretty terrible also. And if this continues ongoing, they may even decide that they can no longer be with someone who doesn't trust them, and they may even end the relationship. And if they did this, this would reinforce your mind reading that they think they're too good for you. However, the reality could have been that they were 100% into you, but your constant questioning, and checking up on them, and being worried resulted in them ending the relationship. And imagine, your made up thought about what they were thinking about you created the thing you were most fearful of happening, which was the relationship ending. Our brains can act in funny ways sometimes. Am I right about this? So hopefully now you understand what mind reading is. So now I'm going to walk you through a five step process that will help you to change it, or make sure it doesn't happen ongoing. The goal of this process is that over time it will change the way things are wiring and firing in your brain so that you stop jumping to assumptions that don't serve you at all. I'm going to give you this five step process, but if you're not able to write this down right now, don't worry. It'll be in the show notes and I'm also going to link my free guide that will walk you through this thought distortion plus four other common thought distortions. Or you can also go to www.karenvincentsolutions.com/thought-distortions-guide. That's www.karenvincentsolutions.com/thought-distortions-guide. And again, there'll be a link in the show notes, so don't worry about writing that down or having to remember it. The key to changing mind reading is to see it and challenge it as often as possible. Because of this, I do recommend you get the guide I've just mentioned, or write these steps down so that you can go back to them as new situations arise. Okay. Let's get to the five steps.#1: Write out examples of when you assumed someone was thinking negatively about you. Write down who are they, what was the situation, and what did you assume they were thinking. Remember, this is you are assuming things without having any actual evidence. You're kind of just making this up in your mind.#2: For each instance that you wrote, for#1, on a scale from one to 10, with 1 being none and 10 being enough to stand up in a court of law, how much evidence do you have to know that this thought is true? So if this thought was presented in front of 10 people or in a court of law, would everyone agree that it's 100% accurate? On a scale of 1 to 10, what's the accuracy level? And I want you to go back to each thought and write a number next to each instance you identified for step one.#3: How does assuming that someone is negatively thinking about you, benefit you? I want you to really think about that. Why do you think this thought pattern or this way of mind reading is beneficial to you? And is it really? I don't know the answer for you, but if you can figure that out, it's going to be really helpful to you.#4: How does, assuming that someone is thinking negatively about you, make you feel, and is feeling, this feeling without really even knowing what they are thinking, useful to you? Does the feeling help you? Does the feeling support you?#5: When you don't have concrete evidence that someone thinks negatively about you, how else can you choose to think about the situation that would result in better feelings And here's a little tip for you. For many situations where you assume someone's thinking negatively about you, maybe based on how they looked at you or based on the tone in their voice, a better way to look at the situation is to remind yourself that they are not thinking about you at all. And this is because generally people are more consumed with thinking about themselves. And that is the truth, my friend. In most instances, people are thinking more about themselves than they are about anyone else. So if mind reading can be a challenge for you, I just want you to keep that in mind. They're probably just thinking more about themselves than they're ever gonna think about. So as I do in all my episodes, I want to make sure you take some action to change any situations that are problematic for you. I made it easy for you this week by providing my free guide to five common thought distortions. But you can also walk through the five steps I outlined and that are also in the show notes, and I encourage you to repeat them as often as you need to. So as a reminder, here they are.#1: Write out examples of when you assumed someone was thinking negatively about you. Who are they? What was the situation and what did you assume they were thinking?#2: For each instance, on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being none and 10 being enough to stand up in a court of law, how much evidence do you have to know that that thought is true? And I want you to go back to#1 and write the number down next to each instance you identified.#3: How does assuming that someone is thinking negatively about you, benefit you?#4: How does assuming that someone is thinking negatively about you, make you feel? And is feeling this feeling, without really knowing what they're actually thinking, useful to you?#5: When you don't have concrete evidence that someone thinks negatively about you, how else can you choose to think about the situation that would result in better feelings for you? So that's what I have for you today, and hopefully it helped you to raise awareness so that you're able to notice if this is something you do, how often you do it, and of course what you can do to change it. And once again, you can grab my free guide at www.karenvincentsolutions.com/thought-distortions-guide, or you can just go check it out in the show notes. Have a great day and keep an eye out for any mind reading you may be doing. That's a wrap. You should be proud of yourself for investing time in you, which is so critical for success and for overall life fulfillment. I look forward to having you join me for my next episode. And in the meantime, go click that subscribe button so you'll know when it's released, and you can also follow me on Instagram at Best Boss Lady Life that's at Best Boss Lady Life on Instagram. Also, remember that whatever it is that you're working on, you've got this and I'm here cheering you on.