26: Managing Challenging Holiday Emotions

Welcome to the Women's Success Coach Podcast, a podcast created to inspire growth and to help you learn, achieve, and evolve in your life ongoing, regardless of your age. I'm your host, Certified Coach and Licensed Therapist, Karen Vincent, and I'm here to guide you, challenge you, and cheer you on so that you can create the life of your dreams and beyond. Over the course of the last week, I've had more than a handful of clients talking about increased stress related to the holiday season. Even if you're someone who looks forward to the holidays and enjoys seeing family and friends, there can still be stress present related to finances, extra things that need to get done, hosting, traveling, or even just figuring out what you're going to do for the holidays. I also know that for many people, the holidays don't come with excitement at all. In fact, for many, they come with sadness, loneliness, tension, and or disappointment. So in today's shorty podcast episode, I'm diving into a topic that I think is relevant to so many this time of year, whether you enjoy the holidays or not. And that is managing challenging holiday emotions. Hey there, thank you for being here, listening to the women's success coach podcast. I know that it can be hard to find time for self improvement or self development activities. So give yourself a little shout out for being here, doing just that. As I mentioned in the introduction, the holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and connection. And while it can definitely be all of those things, and I do hope it is for you, it can also be common to experience stress, sadness, tension, disappointment, or other challenging emotions as well. In this shorty episode, I'm going to walk you through some common situations experienced by my clients and provide you with strategies that will help you to navigate them. And even though I'm walking you through them in the context of the holiday season, these are strategies that can be used anytime you experience life situations or emotions that feel challenging. First up, I'm going to call out all my perfectionists who are listening. If this is you, I see you and I completely understand that you want to create the most perfect holiday experience for those you care about. I completely understand that you want to take it all on and control it so that it's just as you want. However, when you do this, you do also invite unnecessary stress and overwhelm into your life. If this sounds like you, I want you to consider the following. Is there something on your to-do list that doesn't really matter that much? Maybe you could make three sides instead of four or five or six. Maybe you could delegate or accept people's offers to assist or contribute. Maybe you could dial back the decorating just a little And as a friendly remind, and side note, the more decorating you do, the more undecorating you have to do, which in my opinion is never a good time. Perhaps you consider setting a budget for gifts to help you dial back if you tend to go overboard and overspend. Or maybe this year you skip the Christmas cards and instead email or text a thoughtful message to your loved ones. There is nothing wrong with wanting to plan and create the best holiday experience you can. However, if it's at the expense of your own wellbeing, consider where you can dial back a little so that you don't come out of the holiday season exhausted while missing out on the joy and the fun, during the holiday season. Next up, make sure you don't let self care slip during this holiday season. This is the time of year where many people make sure they get their hair done, they get their nails done. However, when I'm talking about self care, I'm talking more about the day to day things that you can do for self care, which help you stay healthy, both mentally and physically. And these are, number one, sleep. I think that sleep is often one of the first things that we let slip, but when it slips, everything becomes harder. It's harder to maintain other healthy habits, manage emotions, and manage stress when you're not getting a solid seven to eight hours of sleep per night, most nights at least. It's also harder to be efficient and to stay focused, which can then cause things to take longer than they need to, which causes additional stress. The second self care area to focus on is healthy eating. This is the time of year where many events are centered around food and where there can be more desserts, appetizers, and cocktails than there are at other times of the year. It can be easy to stop paying attention to what you're putting in your body and tell yourself that January 1st is right around the corner and that you'll focus on your health and resetting, then. If you can relate to this, I'd encourage you to try to think about this a little bit differently. I think that being intentional and planning is the best way to maintain healthy eating most of the time, while also enjoying some indulgences that are specific to this time of the year. For example, if you know you're going to a holiday party or out to dinner, be really thoughtful about what you're eating for breakfast and lunch. If you're out where lots of cocktails are being served, have a full glass of water after every cocktail you have to help you avoid overindulging. Or, if you know you want to eat dessert, grab just a little bit less for your main meal. In my opinion, it's not about making drastic changes, it's more about being intentional and doing what you can to eat healthy as much of the time, as possible while still enjoying yourself during the holiday season. And then the third self care area I want to mention is movement. Along with sleep, this can be one of the first things to go when you feel busy or when your normal routines are disrupted. Physical movement is one of the best ways to manage any challenging emotions. So try to take advantage of this amazing tool that's always available to you, if you make it a priority. Even a 10 to 15 minute walk can make a difference. So based on your current ability to move your body, try to prioritize some form of movement most days. even when you feel really busy. Next, I want to talk about boundaries. Having healthy boundaries is a form of self care. However, I'm putting it in this category all on its own because I want to highlight the importance of having clear, boundaries. The holidays can be a time of year where boundaries are stretched and where you may allow them to be stretched because you think that you have to due to it being the holiday season. And when I talk about boundaries being stretched, there are several ways that I see this happen, so I'm going to break them down for you. Number one, financial boundaries. Yes, it's the holiday season. However, this doesn't mean that you should feel obligated to spend outside your means and create financial stress that will follow you into the new year. Have a clear budget, plan out what you want to purchase, and then stick with it. And if you find yourself in a situation where you don't have enough money for any gifts or for some gifts, scale back and communicate this to others if you feel you need to. Make your gifts more about what's meaningful versus fancy or flashy. The meaning of the holiday season is not about putting yourself into debt or further into debt. So create boundaries around this. Number two, boundaries with others. If you're in a situation where you're feeling pressure to spend time with certain people for the holidays, but they are people you don't actually want to spend time with, establish the boundaries you need to protect yourself. There's no right or wrong way to do this, but consider if you need to: Say no completely to spending time with someone. This might be because of the anxiety you feel leading up to it, or the stress you experience when you are with them. Don't feel the need to overexplain yourself or be guilted into spending time with people who negatively impact your emotional wellness. Depending on your situation, you could simply say,"I'm not going to be able to make it work this year, but I hope you have a great holiday". Or you could be more specific and say,"It doesn't usually go well when I try to spend time with,(Insert the name), so, I'm just going to skip it this year". You might also need to set limits on how much time you spend with certain people. If there are people you can only tolerate in smaller doses, consider if you should plan to only have a brief visit with them. Maybe you invite them only for appetizers or dessert. Or maybe you only spend time with them when there are others also present so that you have those buffers and other people to talk to. Maybe you need to set limits around what topics you'll discuss. Some common topics that can bring up challenging emotions are, you guessed it, politics, or bringing up things from the past that are unresolved, or sensitive subjects or really anything that opens you up for criticism. Sometimes having a discussion ahead of time is helpful, and sometimes setting a firm, kind boundary in the moment can be really effective. If there are topics that feel safe and easier to talk about, consider what they might be ahead of time, so if you see a conversation going in the wrong direction, you can quickly switch to a topic that feels better, which you've thought about already. Maybe you need an exit strategy. Plan ahead for what you'll do if you're in a situation and your attempts to set boundaries are not working. Can you remove yourself from certain individuals or do you need to leave completely? Knowing what you'll do ahead of time will reduce your overall anxiety and it will help you get out of the situations you don't want to be in as quickly and as effectively as possible. Finally, set boundaries on what you say yes to in the first place. If you don't really have the capacity to contribute to a meal, to attend a holiday party, to participate in a gift swap, or any other event happening, know that it's okay to politely say no. If you're not feeling good emotionally, you don't have to put on a smile and force your way through something. Saying yes when you really want to say no rarely ends up feeling good. And it's also you not being true to yourself or honest with others. And for my last strategy, decide how you want to feel during this holiday season. There's no right or wrong answer here. Some people want to feel calm or relaxed. Some people want to feel excitement and joy, and some people just want to feel like they're going to be okay. Figure out what it is you want to feel during the holiday season, and then decide what small steps you can take to move closer to that feeling. This month is not about going with the flow, doing what you think you are supposed to do, or about putting your boundaries on the back burner. The more intentional you are, the more in control you feel, the better experience you will have this holiday season. So, as I do with all my episodes, I want you to do more than just listen. I want you to take action if you are already or if you anticipate experiencing increased stress or negative emotions during this holiday season. What are the one, two, or more steps that you can take to reduce your stress. And, or to improve your overall emotional state. Do you need to scale back a little? Do you need to dial back your cooking or baking? Do you need to do just a little less decorating? Or maybe you need to scale back the amount of spending you're doing this holiday season. Do you need to dial up your self care? What can you do to make sure you're getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep most nights? What can you do to be intentional to stay on track with your eating and still enjoy those special indulgences that come with this time of year? What can you do to stay active even when the days feel shorter, darker, colder, and life in general feels busy? Even just 10 minutes a day can make a difference. Finally, do you need to dial in or establish healthy boundaries? This can cause some upfront discomfort, however, consider the discomfort you'll experience if you don't establish boundaries that protect your emotional well being. Do you need to say no to participating in certain events? Do you need to say no to someone asking for help if you don't feel you have the capacity to do so? Do you need to say no to certain conversations? Do you need to establish any exit strategies? Take time and figure out if there are any adjustments that you can make that will help you have the best holiday season possible based on your individual situation. And remember, there's no right or wrong. So I encourage you to do what helps you take the best care of yourself. That's a wrap. You should be proud of yourself for investing time in you, which is so critical for success and for overall life fulfillment. I look forward to having you join me for my next episode. And in the meantime, go click that subscribe button so you know when it's released. And you can also follow me on Instagram@KarenVincentSolutions, That's@KarenVincentSolutions on Instagram. Also remember that whatever it is that you're working on, you've got this. And I'm here cheering you on.